What The Papers Say
Last updated: 03/08/2006 - 13:13
It must be true if they put it in the newspapers, however humorous. Right? The following are all genuine headlines, sub-headings and qoutes from established newspapers:
"Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim"
"Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told"
"Miners Refuse to Work After Death"
"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"
"Stolen Painting Found by Tree"
"Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies"
"Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter"
"Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years"
"Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One"
"Drunken Drivers Paid $1,000 in '84"
"War Dims Hope for Peace"
"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While"
"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"
"Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"
"Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge"
"Deer Kill 17,000"
"Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction".
People also sell the strangest things...Before ebay came along - and for many sellers post ebay - the small ads of the local paper is the place to buy and sell unwanted goods or services. The following are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the US, about which a little more thought might have been given...
"Lost: Small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family".
"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetising forms".
"Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00".
"For sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers".
"Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover".
"Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too".
"Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory".
"Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night".
"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand".
"For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy".
"Great Dames for sale".
"Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it".
"Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children".
"Vacation Special: Have your home exterminated".
"If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin".
"Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in".
"The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities".
"Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast".
"Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else".
"Stock up and save. Limit: one".
"We build bodies that last a lifetime".
"For Rent: 6-room hated apartment".
"Man, honest. Will take anything".
"Wanted: Chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required".
"Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel".
"Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!"
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