Public Servant Lifestyle

Johnny Vegas - stand-up comic, star of BBC comedy show Happiness, Sex Lives of the Potato Men, Tipping the Velvet, the film Blackball and, of course, the ITV digital adverts - talks about the Papacy, touring, male grooming and more. Just Don't mention the monkey!

Q: We were going to start off by just asking; you are a bit of a legend in the comedy world, but at one point you were thinking about going into the priesthood?

A: "I was, it was something that I considered. For the greater good I thought I should be a spiritual leader for people for some reason."

Q: Were you aiming for Pope?

A: "Not quite that high. I thought, I'll start off as canon, if I make archbishop then maybe I'm getting somewhere. But I wanted to be more in the mould of the Little House on the Prairie-type priest, more your community do gooder than your hierarchy."

Q: Helping old ladies to cross roads?

A: "Yeah, I just always thought that I would be awful. I'd worry about taking confessions."

Q: Some of the quotes that we have been reading about you are so great we think you must have written them yourself. Is there anything as a comedian that you won't make jokes about? Is there anything that you feel is off-limits?

A: "Yeah, I mean just from a personal nature I think to attack someone on a visual basis. I myself in my younger days, when I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that. If I see somebody visually challenged I won't purposefully focus in on them, unless they call me names and then I'll call them back - but that is my childish nature in me. There are certain elements amongst my fellow man that I simply refuse to take the mickey out of."

Q: Tell us a bit about the character you play in Blackball.

A: ?I play Trevor, who totally against type, is a kind of boozy, n?er do well sidekick in the film. I?m basically there to keep him off the straight and narrow and provide the kind of friendship he leaves behind when he gets a touch of fame. Which isn?t too far from the way the whole production?s panning out...Paul?s starting to go off to slightly better restaurants and we?re still relying on KFC. Art?s mimicking life really and the gap?s widening, but I?m not bothered...I?ve managed to make other friends here and I?ve made the most of being on location...?

Q: Do you think men going bald is off limits or do you think that is fair game?

A: "I think men going bald is certainly off limits, coming from a family as I do where it's in our gene pool and it could one day happen to me - but since the invention of circ shampoo it's no longer a cause for concern. But it's something that didn't come along soon enough for the rest of my family and I didn't want to turn into that uncle who tries to comb the little bit over, to cover the little bit that is obviously showing through. So I wouldn't focus in on that in anybody else because it's something that is visually enough of a stigma as it is without a big sweaty bloke on stage pointing it out. I always try and have the lighting specifically set up so it is lit from the ground, so that nobody has to suffer that embarrassment of an egg in the nest."

Q: We know you are not supposed to ask ladies how old they are, but how old are you?

A: "I'm thirty, I am at that difficult age, I'm asking myself have I actually achieved what I wanted to do in life, where I am at, why have I not settled down with a family by now? Will a woman want to set up home with me? Do children, we live in a single parent society, will the kids be afraid of me if my hair's thinning? I don't want that to happen, I could be good with the kids but..."

Q: You are about to start off on a new tour, how much does your material differ according to what part of the country you are in?

A: "Audiences can be vastly different. With northern humour you give as good as you get whereas down South there is more of a tendency, 'I've paid so it's up to you to entertain me'. Up north you are holding your own, everyone considers themselves a comedian."

Q: So a lot of heckling?

A: "Yeah, there's lots of heckling, but again it is that thing of, can you hold your own? There is that element of trust, if you can deal with heckles then you have got their respect and then you can take them anywhere."

Q: Do you like being heckled?

A: "I actually enjoy it, it keeps it interesting for you and I think it is a nice feeling for people once they have left the show that they may have seen something tonight that they may not have seen. It is unique to the show because of that heckle and how someone went about it."

Q: Before you go out on stage do you prepare at all or do you wait and see where the audience will take you?

A: "No I do have a full kind of preparation. About two hours before I'll come back, I'll groom, I'll prune."

Q: What sort of ages of audience to you get?

A: "All kinds of ages, it really does range from silly drunk old men to silly drunk young lads and the same goes for the females. It's a character that pretty much appeals to everyone. Everyone likes to come along, they manage to look at us and say 'thank god I'm not him, though I would like to speak to his tailor and his stylist'."

Q: Describe your outfit for the stage?

A: "Whatever shoes feel comfortable, some tailored trousers, flared. You see I've only got little ankles and a bit of a belly so what it does, it makes me look more uniform, more of a straight line rather than an egg on legs, it maintains a certain symmetry. I've got this lovely Cuban jacket, it is quite snug, but it shows off my broad shoulders and my Rugby League physique."

Q: You've got some fantastic reviews, we have been reading some of the quotes given by the critics about you. We were wondering though, do you prefer live theatre to something like television where it is all put in the can on a Monday morning.

A: "I enjoy both to be honest, it is very rewarding doing live stand up but it is a lot more stressful, a lot more can go wrong. With TV you can do it again and again until you get it right. With stand up you really just feel like you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle, they are both challenging but for vastly different reasons."

Q: We put your name into a web search this morning and one thing that came up is that you've got an orchestra in Canada. Is that your spare time job?

A: "There is meant to be a lounge lizard singer, I'm on the lookout for him. I think there should be a battle of wills for who actually owns the name Johnny Vegas. I don't know how long he has been around but if he wants to meet me somewhere at dawn."

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